Manners

W07: Differences in Manners

Manners are behavior norms we’ve developed in interacting with others. Following a culture’s manner rules leads to better social interactions. Breaking them can lead to negative interactions. Many manners are learned from parents and teachers while growing up. Members of a culture tend to learn which ones they can bend or break and which ones are immutable through instruction but also experience.

Outsiders to a culture aren’t so lucky. Kids get some leeway while they’re learning them because they’re young, but adults don’t automatically get that treatment. People experienced with foreigners are forgiving, but others might be less so. There are also so many manners that a person could go years living in the US and still run into bad social missteps. A person with a jovial funeral culture could be quite out of place behaving with smiles and bright colors at a somber tear-filled mourning.

It’s important for instructors to give foreign students heads up on manner differences to avoid social misunderstandings or contention. A little knowledge about things like handshakes can go a long way. Cultures are very diverse, though, and covering all the manners for every situation would take too much time.

Brother Ivers, a professor at BYU-I, has mentioned a principle in his lectures on culture again and again. It’s observation. Always observe the people around you when you’re in a new setting. If you notice what everyone else is doing first, you can mimic their behaviors and not stick out so much. Teaching that principle to students in conjunction with what manners we can cover in class can help them feel more confident for unexpected situations.

Do you have any stories where your manners (or ignorance of them) almost got you in trouble?